Monday, October 26, 2009

Questions, questions, questions, but never enough answers.

Tonight Edward helped set Will's tree out, and we all sat together to turn the pages in the small photo album. Daniel learned to answer, "Will!" when we asked who was in the pictures and to call him "brother." I imagine this lesson will bear repeating, but there is something very striking about hearing him call his brother by name.

Edward gave us a bit more to deal with. So many questions we can hardly answer for ourselves, much less to satisfy the constructs of his "black and white" world.

"Why is Will in Heaven?"

Well, because he died honey.

"Why did he die?"

He was very sick.

"Why did he get sick?"

He was so tiny.

"Why was he tiny?"

Beacause he was born before he was ready

"Why was he not ready?"

It wasn't the right time for him to be born. Babies need to stay in mommies' bellies longer.

"Why did he die?"

He was sick and he just couldn't get better.

"What are those tubes?"

Will needed some machines to help him breathe because he was too tiny.

"Did the tubes make him better?"

Well, they helped him for a little while, but he just got too sick.

"Why is Will in Heaven?"

Will is with Jesus in Heaven.

"When will he come back here?"

Well, he doesn't come back. When you go to Heaven you stay there.

"Can I go to Heaven and see him."

No, it doesn't work that way.

"But what if I went and just came back."

Well, you'd be the first (in a long time, we did not add...)

"But I want Will here!" <throws toys at wall in frustration>

So do we, buddy. So do we.
(And sometimes we wish we could vent in just the same way.)

"Why do you have tears, Mommy?"

I'm sad without Will here. And I would be sad if you were not here.

"I'm sad without Will too."

Five years. We cherish your memory but wish you were here. Happy Birthday, Will. Mom, Dad, Edward and Daniel love you and miss you every day.


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