Wednesday, January 19, 2005

I've been thinking all day about how to write this post and haven't really come up with anything, so this is going to be pretty stream-of-consciousness. Will is having what I would guess is his toughest day today, and is headed into what might be his toughest night. There isn't much going right in his world today, and it is taking its toll. They gave us quite a list of problems when the doctors discussed Will's condition with us today: The infection is causing problems in several areas, his kidneys aren't working great, his liver function is worsening and his lungs, as always, are not in good shape. He continues to take on fluid, and the results have left him largely unreconizable. His face is so puffy that he scarcely looks like the Will of just a week ago, let alone a month ago when he was doing OK. It's so hard to see him like this, because he's obviously uncomfortable and in pain, with no sign of it letting up soon.

They continue to change his treatment to address all of these concerns. They put him on a more powerful ventilator today that will do a better job of expanding his lungs in the face of the large amount of fluid pressing down from all sides. They add and increase medicines at a rate that makes it difficult for us to keep up in the hope of helping his lungs, increasing his blood pressure, helping his urine production and reversing some of the liver damage. The ventilator change is the most significant today; it should at least make breathing easier for him as he fights this. Another couple of changes should help him, too. They inserted a catheter into his bladder to get the urine out even when he doesn't feel like peeing. It hasn't gotten much, so for some reason he just isn't making much. He really needs to, because there's no other way for him to get rid of all this fluid. They also put an IV in an artery in his arm so they can draw blood samples from that and also get better blood pressure readings. Both things have been compromised by all of the fluid he is carrying, and now they'll be able to get more accurate readings that will help them to more specifically address his needs.

I have constantly written here about how tough Will is. No one who has stuck by us through this would doubt that for a second. I only hope that he continues to be tough enough to pull through this. Though the doctors say they have other options for helping him, much of this is up to him right now. His systems must respond to the treatments, and he must continue to have the strength to fight off this infection and to stay stable while things improve. That won't be easy. Mary and I will spend our third night in a row here at the hospital, because we just can't bring ourselves to leave his side. Somewhere down in there, I hope he senses that. We're running on fumes ourselves, but need to somehow find a way to continue to be strong, too, for him.

We appreciate how much everyone has been there for us through all of this and how much everyone has done. Tonight, and for these next few days, please do whatever you do to lift someone up and ask for help for them, and do it for Will. Pray, think good thoughts, light a candle... whatever it is will help. The doctors have said that Will has made it over hurdles already that other babies might not have conquered, so we hope that he continues to find that strength and get through this, too.


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