Sunday, April 24, 2005

Thanks to all of our friends and family members who braved a chilly Lake Michigan breeze for the March of Dimes WalkAmerica in Chicago today. My sister Ann organized this group and reports that they collectively raised about $2,300 for the cause! The March of Dimes is leading the campaign to reduce premature birth by supporting research and by educating the public and health care providers.

When I was at the grocery store this morning a group was holding a car wash fundraiser and their signs said "March of Dimes." I think maybe it was the U of I Collegiate Council team that has dedicated their walk for Will this year. And I keep seeing donation jars in businesses, which I probably didn't even notice at this time last year. Every time I see one, part of me wants to jump up on the counter and hold it up, shaking it and shouting so it's impossible to ignore. But I think joining hundreds of people walking through Iowa City next Saturday will be a more productive (and sane) way to draw attention.

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

People continue to check up on me, and say they miss being able to keep tabs on things through blog posts. Mary has really taken up the slack here while I've been strugglinig with doubts about having anything meaningful to say. So, I thought I'd offer this brief update and say I'm doing OK, all things considered. I think about Will several times each day, still sparked by things both obvious and not. Lately, I think about him as I go about my day, getting back into routines. The simplest thing, like running an errand while Mary is out doing something else, makes me think of what we had expected the spring to be like. One of us would always have been home to watch Will. Both of us would have been more than willing to make such scheduling changes if it meant spending time with him. I almost used the word "sacrifice" there, but it would have been incorrect. There is nothing I can imagine giving up that would have seemed anything more than trivial if time with Will was the alternative. Instead, we're able to get back to the same old things we had done before. I can go play basketball when I want (and this I need; you have no idea how out of shape you can get when your only exercise for three months is walking from the parking ramp to the hospital), we can go out to dinner without a thought or we can leave town on a moment's notice. How much would I give to instead be tied to the house to watch my son?

At least we have the opportunity to do something that feels consequential. We're really looking forward to the walks for March of Dimes and the Preeclampsia Foundation. Each allows us (and others who will join us) to do something. None of it will bring Will back, of course, but it all will help to keep his spirit alive as we work to help others avoid the same kind of heartbreak we face each day.

To that end, we said right after Will died that we would meet with his doctors in the spring to talk about what he faced and how our fund might help them to deal with that in other babies. Well, it's spring, and I can't say I'm much closer to being ready for that kind of discussion. We will do this eventually, however, and have the fund safely tucked away at the bank until the time is right.

So, thanks to everyone who continues to reach out through e-mail, cards and phone calls. It helps to know that people still are pulling for us. This is going to be a long, hard journey if these first couple of months are any indication. I really, really miss my boy.